Loving Words
“Do everything in love,” 1 Cor 16:13-14.
My precious husband, Dale, and I just celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary. What a joyful journey it’s been being married to a man who tries his best to do everything in love, even when it’s not that easy. It’s been a journey full of twists and turns, ups and downs, and it’s been the most wonderful years of my life. And the sweetest part of it all? Redemption has been the hallmark of our 12 years together.
We both try to “do everything in love”—especially to use loving words, even when we have disagreements or differences. It’s a choice we make every day, sometimes every moment, and that makes all the difference in the world. Because of these choices, our marriage has been a journey of peace, healing, and hope precisely because we choose to speak and do all we can through the purpose and plan to love one another. And even when we fail, when we get snippy, snarky, sarcastic, or short, we apologize and set our sights back on choosing love.
As with any relationship, it’s not always easy. At times we disagree on lots of things—what to eat and do, where we go and what we want, and countless other things. But in the midst of everything, we both choose to weigh our words and our wants. Will what I say or how I say it help or hurt our relationship? Does what we want really matter?
So how does this translate into every day life and in our writing life? I think it’s the same whether it’s about choosing loving words with your spouse, your kids, your friends, your foes, or in your writing for your readers. The answer is that we choose words that help and not hurt, that bring life and not death, that will bless and not curse.
When we speak, write, and interact with others, listen to that still small voice inside guiding you to button your lips or measure your words or have the right attitude. Sometimes it’s a stern warning bathed in love. Other times it’s a compassionate suggestion. Still other times, it’s telling a story that makes a point, just as Jesus told parables so often. Clothe your words in love. Speak them plainly. Share them abundantly. And show them fully. Love is a powerful language!
How do you speak the language of love? I’d like to know!
An Appropriately Paced Life
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven,” Ecclesiastes 3:1.
After a busy conference season, two trips to New York, and a whirlwind trip around Ireland, I’m reevaluating the pace of my life, my priorities, and how I use my time. What’s really, really important? Yes, there are expectations, obligations, and demands that try to push and pull me in all kinds of directions, but what is an appropriately paced life?
While I know that my gifts will make space for me, there is a season for everything. Yet I also know that I need to manage that space. So what does that look like for me—and for you?
First, prayer, worship, and reading the Word needs to be the plumb line that will keep everything else in balance. When these get messed up, the pace of life simply gets out of whack. Right now, I need to adjust my schedule to allow more time for all three.
Second, I need to avoid unhealthy and unbalanced expectations. Moderation is key. I need to pace myself with work, play, relationships, exercise, and even my writing. I need to find the balance in all of it and reject the oppressive demands that weigh on me, whether that comes from inside myself or from others and remember that, ultimately, people and relationships are the most important.
Third, I need to preemptively replace guilt with peace, and for me, this is the hardest of all. I’m a perfectionist and ultra responsible, so I feel the pressures of the “should dos” and “must dos” way too much. So I must choose to rest in Him and trust Him with my days, weeks, months, and year, even when they don’t turn out the way I wished they would.
Recently, on top of all the busyness, health issues and family situations have pulled me away from my agenda, my to-do list, and my timelines. I have so much more that I’d like to do, see, and write than I can possibly get done. So I have to let some of them go and find peace and contentment with whatever the Lord allows.
And what about you? What advice to you have to create an appropriately paced life, find balance in this busy world, and enjoy the peace that comes with it? I’d love to know!
Instructive Words
“Apply your heart to instruction and your ears to words of knowledge,” Proverb 23:12.
This morning I enjoyed watching robins searching our lush green grass for their breakfast. The bigger bird found a fat, juicy worm, pulled it out of the ground, and gave it to his mate. She, in turn, flew to her nest where, I suspect, her little ones were awaiting the meal.
In the past few months I’ve served on the faculty of several writers conferences, led workshops, taken lots of one-on-one appointments, and critiqued articles, book proposals, and blog ideas. I especially enjoyed meeting writers who apply their heart to instruction and want to gain all the knowledge they can—they are the most fruitful writers I meet and work with.
They’re like hungry birds, gobbling up every little worm of knowledge they can. It’s a joy to have them in my workshops. It’s inspiring to mentor them. It’s a pleasure to critique their work. It’s an honor to pass on any little bit of knowledge I can. I enjoy serving these new and seasoned writers, and I love connecting with the passion they have to touch the lives of others with God’s truth. As an added bonus, I always learn something from them, too.
But there are also those who think they know it all, who have a chip on their shoulder or an ax to grind, and their words reek with haughtiness, bitterness, or ignorance. One such writer came to one of my workshops and then cornered me at lunch. Later we had a critique time, and her writing was anything but knowledgeable, edifying, or biblical. She had gone through a divorce, and she was determined to let the whole world know that men were scum and that she had been mistreated. And to top it off, she seemed to be unteachable and was going to self-publish her work!
I gave her some pretty strong warnings about finding healing before she proceeded with publishing her venom. I cautioned her to be a life-giver not a life-taker with her writing. I prayed with her and felt her stiffen at my prayer. But then, a few weeks later, I got an email from her that revealed how God had used our meeting to reveal some things and to change her heart. She had bowed her knee, applied her heart to instruction, and bent her ears to words of knowledge.
It was a beautiful thing.
So as you journey through this life, listen when someone shares instruction or wisdom with you. You’re never too old, too wise, too polished or too popular to grow. I sure need—and welcome—the wisdom of others. How about you?
When have you been challenged to apply your heart to instruction and your ears to words of knowledge? I’d love to know!
Irish Eyes are Smiling
A few weeks ago we toured Ireland, and I couldn’t help but think of Colossians 3:12, “clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.” We found these virtues abundant in the bed and breakfasts, in the shops, or when navigating roundabouts, getting lost on narrow country roads, or taking a wrong turn in the cities. Oh that we would display such virtues more often in our own country!
It was refreshing to see that people weren’t in any hurry to get ahead. They sat in the pubs and town squares chatting and laughing and enjoying each other’s company. And they went out of their way to make us feel welcome wherever we were.
When we told folks we were going to Ireland, everyone who had been there said that the Irish people are the highlight of any trip to Ireland. “They’re the friendliest and most hospitable people on earth,” they said. We didn’t really know what that meant, but we soon found out that they were right. In our weeklong stay on the Emerald Isle, we met so many friendly people—and only met one grumpy salesclerk. Amazing!
The Irish happily give you directions, even lead the way if you’re lost, and the Irish B&B’s are the best ever. Even in stores or pubs, people are unpretentious and helpful, and good humor is their calling card. At our favorite B&B, the Eden Villa, our hosts were Peter and Mary Brennan who acclimated us to County Sligo with a video and afternoon tea before kindly sending us off to explore the area.
The Irish have survived Viking invasions, harsh and unfair British rule, the devastating famine of 1847-9, the War of Independence in 1918, and the Troubles of the 1970-90. Yet, after all those terrible and unforgivable injustices and difficulties, they aren’t “entitled” or bitter. Instead, the Irish are good, kind, positive people who have forgiven and moved on to be successful throughout the world.
What would our country and our world look like if more of us would employ such virtues in our lives? If we’d chat with our neighbors more often instead of driving into our garage and shutting the door? If we’d linger after church or offer to serve? If we’d be a little more patient in the lines at WalMart or in traffic? I must admit that the Irish gave me something to ponder—mixed with a bit of conviction.
In this uncivil society we live in, I’m grateful to be reminded that kindness, friendliness, hospitality, and patience truly are virtues to live by. Thanks, Ireland, for the friendly reminder.
When was the last time you saw these virtues in abundance? I’d love to know!
A Setting That Sells
I love to read vibrant settings in stories, don’t you? They are those settings that make you feel like you’re right there, in the story, at the very spot where the story takes place. Recently I read Amber Stockton’s latest book, The Grand Design, and I appreciate her skill at showing the reader the setting in such a beautiful way.
Amber weaves the setting into her action and dialogue like a skilled artist. Using the five senses, you can see the flowers and almost smell their delicate aroma. You can feel the white painted wood on the massive porch of The Grand Hotel. You nearly touch the fabric on the character’s body. Snapshot by snapshot, she hones in on details that pull you deeper and deeper into the story. Well done, Amber!
Here are a few things I’ve learned about developing a setting that sells:
- Use all five senses in your scene development. Don’t settle for simply what you see. How does it smell? What does an object feel like? What do you hear in the distance? What does the meal taste like?
- Use at least one object in every scene that will put you in that time and place. This brings authenticity and realism to your story. Whether it’s a rolling pin used for making cookies or a pitchfork leaning against the barn, details like this will bring readers into the story.
- Use unique nouns and verbs that will make the scene crystal clear for the reader. Zero in on a close up shot of a scene and make it poignant.
- Set obstacles in the character’s path. What does the character need to overcome? An inward insecurity? An outward flaw? An actual obstacle such as the lack of money to travel or health challenges? What is the biggest challenge in your character’s life? Set those obstacles so clearly into the scene that readers have to find out how they solve their conundrum.
- Make the setting relatable, even if it’s in a different time and place. Everyone has to eat, whether they lived in the fifth century or today; let readers taste the hard bread and simple fare of that day. All of us live somewhere; describe it well. There are sounds of nature in every era; let the reader hear the sound of keening at an 19th-century Irish funeral. Everyone lives in a cultural setting that is unique in its own special way; let readers experience the quirks and lingo of the time and place.
Every reader longs for more. More that will awaken their senses, touch their soul, stir their emotions, and change their heart. They want to be transported into another time and place and learn from the lives of others, even if they are fictional characters who live across the street from them.
Many of us will never go to Ireland or cross the great Atlantic Ocean or live on an island. Most of us haven’t grown up in a family of eleven children in a one-bedroom Irish cottage. I want to let the readers experience those things as I develop my setting scene-by-scene. That’s what will make a setting that sells.
How do you develop your settings? I’d love to know!
Get Smart
“Apply your heart to instruction and your ears to words of knowledge, Proverbs 23:12.
I’ve always encouraged my children, friends, students, and others to be “lifelong learners.” Whether you’re my 92-year-old Mom, a young mother, or a new or seasoned writer, I encourage you to never stop learning and growing in your spiritual, personal, and creative life.
This week I’m teaching three writing workshops at the Colorado Christian Writers Conference. I love imparting what I know about writing to those who sacrifice their time and money so they can continue to learn all they can about the craft of writing. I respect each and every one of them, and I always learn something in the process of teaching. I want to apply my heart to instruction, even when it comes out of my own mouth.
It truly is a daunting task to “apply your heart to instruction.” This is especially true in today’s word-saturated society where you have to continually sift out the good from the bad, the truth from a lie, the imposter from the real, even in the Christian world. In the past several years of mentoring, coaching, critiquing, and editing Christian writers’ work, I’ve found that unbiblical views too often creep into writing more and more as the years go by.
So as I teach on the importance of having a biblical view of the world and of writing, I’ve learned that consciously applying discernment becomes key to knowing the difference between biblical truth and all the rest of the untruths and half-truths out there. I urge not only writers but everyone to be on guard and stand against the lies of the world, whatever they may be.
To do so, God’s word must be our plumb line, for only then will our speaking, writing, and interacting with others bring life and make a difference in our world. Whether you’re teaching your children, writing the next great American novel, or sharing your heart with a friend, truth matters, and applying your ears to “words of knowledge” is so important.
Discern carefully between what God says about things and what the world tries to promote. Reject the things that pull you away from truth. Edit out words that don’t agree with the Bible. Fight the good fight of continuing to apply your heart to God’s instruction and listen for godly knowledge. Then your lifelong learning will bear fruit that will last through eternity.
How do you apply your heart to instruction? I’d love to know!