Leaving Home
The more I researched and wrote about young adults of the 19th century, the more I realized how different they were from our young adults today. Yes, they did have similar dreams of marriage, family, success, and the like. But they launched into adulthood very differently.
Back then, parents often chose a spouse for their child, flirting and dating was frowned upon, and sex outside of marriage was rare and scandalous. Long engagements and simple church or at-home weddings were common, and divorce was nearly non-existent.
Once the young adult left home, usually still a teen, he or she was considered to be fully an adult and was expected to be responsible, independent, and mature—even if he or she lived in the family’s home or on their land, and regardless of whether they struggled financially or relationally. There was no safety net, and when they immigrated, moved west, or left their hometown to make a new life, as they often did back then, they might never see their family for the rest of their lives! With technology and transportation, I’m glad it’s different today.
In today’s world, whether because of economic situations, school debt, or career changes (to name just a few) young adults often return home for a season or stay at home well into their 20s. We call them the boomerang generation, and it’s become a part of our culture.
Unfortunately, some young adults get too comfortable with such convenience, and they stay “children” under their parent’s roof way too long. They get stuck in a kind of Peter Pan syndrome, and they fail to launch and become healthy, responsible, and independent adults.
Though it’s not easy to require young adults to act their age and become responsible human beings, it’s really an act of love and benefits not only the parent and child but also helps society as a whole. We help to create a society of independent, confident, productive, and capable people who impact their generation and the generations to come.
As I researched the mid-1800s family dynamics of launching adult children, I have come to think that, although difficult, their way might have been the better way, hard though it was. And though I don’t envy the difficulties they endured and things they suffered, I do appreciate their intentional decision to raise responsible adults who left us a legacy of hope and promise.
What do you think? If you could live in any decade of history, what span of time would you like to live in? I’d like to know!
Speak Life
Recently I was listening to the radio and heard a song that brought me up short—“Speak Life” by TobyMac. The song talks about changing people’s lives by the words you say.
I know that’s true, of course, and I try to speak—and write—life into people’s lives whenever I can. But the words of this song struck me with the reality that “we can turn a heart with the words we say. Mountains crumble with every syllable? Hope can live or die.”
That’s quite a responsibility, but the Bible says, “a soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit,” (Proverb 15:4), among many others. Do a word search, and you’ll likely find some sobering counsel.
Our words matter. And in this rough and tumble world of the 21st-century, there’s not a lot of wholesome and holy words going around. There are so many broken-hearted people, and with our words we can “watch them come alive as soon as you speak hope, you speak love, you speak life.”
So whether I am writing a novel, a Facebook post, or a blog, or whether I’m having lunch with a friend, texting, or emailing, I want to “use my words to inspire, spread love like fire, and rain down hope” in all I say and write. Thanks, TobyMac, for the wise reminder.
“Speak Life”
by TobyMac
Some days, life feels perfect.
Other days it just ain’t workin.
The good, the bad, the right, the wrong
And everything in between.
Though it’s crazy, amazing
We can turn a heart with the words we say.
Mountains crumble with every syllable.
Hope can live or die
(chorus)
So speak Life, speak Life.
To the deadest darkest night.
Speak life, speak Life.
When the sun won’t shine and you don’t know why.
Look into the eyes of the brokenhearted;
Watch them come alive as soon as you speak hope,
You speak love, you speak…
You speak Life
Some days the tongue gets twisted;
Other days my thoughts just fall apart.
I do, I don’t, I will, I won’t,
It’s like I’m drowning in the deep.
Well it’s crazy to imagine,
Words from our lips as the arms of compassion,
Mountains crumble with every syllable.
Hope can live or die.
(repeat chorus)
Lift your head a little higher,
Spread the love like fire,
Hope will fall like rain,
When you speak life with the words you say.
Raise your thoughts a little higher,
Use your words to inspire,
Joy will fall like rain,
When you speak life with the things you say.
Lift your head a little higher,
Spread the love like fire,
Hope will fall like rain,
When you speak life with the words you say.
(repeat chorus)
Some days life feels perfect.
Why Life, Love, and Legacy?
As many of you have noticed, and commented, I’ve revised my blog to talk about topics around life, love, and leaving a legacy. But why have I made this change? Because all three matter to me.
Life? Yes, that’s a broad category, but for me, life is about spiritual things—growing closer to God, touching others’ lives with His love, and becoming more like Him. It entails speaking and writing to bring life to others, and it’s a primary calling for me. When I write, I want life to come out of the words I put on paper. And when I speak, I want to bless people with my words.
Love? As you know, Tyndale Publisher has published two of our premarital books, and my husband and I are passionate about helping couples prepare for the adventure of marriage and remarriage. But I also deal with marriage, divorce, arranged marriages, and loving your spouse well in my novels—and in life. So love will be an ongoing topic you’ll read about regularly.
And Legacy? Ah, blame it on my three beautiful granddaughters! I had no idea that becoming a grandma would cause me to consider the importance of leaving a lasting legacy, making a mark on the next generation, and proactively pouring into their lives as it’s done. Yet it’s also caused me to look back at the past and see what kind of legacy came before me—whether good or bad. And then, when I began to write historical fiction, well, that cast a whole new light on how people lived, what kind of legacy they left, and why we need to intentionally leave a legacy of love, peace, hope, and faith for our loved ones.
So there you have it, and while these are my plans, I’d like to know what you would like to hear about. I don’t write these blogs for me—they are for YOU! So talk to me. What would you like to hear about? I’d love to know!
Kindred Spirits
Anne of Green Gables is one of my favorite books—and movies. The book was a bestseller in 1908 and has been made into movies, cartoons, stage plays, and more. It’s a literary classic that tells about the adventures of an orphan girl named Anne Shirley who ends up living with—and becoming family with—an old maid and bachelor siblings, Matthew and Marilla Cuthbert, who live on a farm on Prince Edward Island, Canada.
It’s a simple story about the journey of a girl finding her way in a small town, in school, and in relationships. Anne is always looking for “kindred spirits”—people whom she can relate to and love—whether it’s a best friend, a caregiver, or her future husband.
As a novelist, my job is to create characters who become kindred spirits with the reader. Characters who come alive, inspire the reader, and provide life lessons along the way. As readers, we want to relate to the characters, whether they are contemporary, historical, or fantasy.
Just like us, these characters are on a journey of change, and the reader gets to go on a journey with them. They evolve and grow, have successes and make mistakes, just like us. And we become kindred spirits with them as we learn from their story.
In my novel, readers experience the journey of two women—one, an 1850s Irish immigrant and the other, her great-great-granddaughter. Both face many challenges and changes, just like us. And both experience growth, successes, and failures, like us. And, I hope, become kindred spirits to the readers.
The book characters who become a part of our lives are ones who live real lives, face real sorrow and heartache, experience love and loss. And, I believe, draw closer to God in the process—ideally, just like us. How all that happens is as unique in our own individual lives as it is in the hundreds of thousands of book characters’ lives. That’s what makes reading fun, exciting, and inspiring. And that’s why we love to read.
Who are your favorite book characters, and why? I’d love to know!
Write Your Story
I’ve got an earworm that just won’t leave. It’s a song that won’t stop repeating in my mind and in my heart, day and night. But I don’t think it’s just because it’s a catchy tune. It is truth. Profound truth, at least to me.
Ever since I became a Christian over three decades ago, I’ve desired for God to write His story on my heart and in my life. Each chapter has held lots of ups and downs, just like any good novel does.
I’ve owned an operated a Christian preschool, teaching little ones to love Jesus and know His word. Then, as a Language Arts teacher, I taught 4-8th graders to love words and love writing, all the while raising two wonderful children.
Later I wrote missions curriculum, had my own newspaper column, became a magazine editor, and then was the editorial director of 12 publications. But it’s never been about the jobs I’ve done; it’s been a journey of letting Him write His story with my life. From the day I turned my heart over to Him, I knew that my life has never really been mine—and His plans have always been good.
And now, with two published non-fiction books, He is writing a new chapter in my story. As a novelist. He is “the source of the rhythm that my heart—and my imagination and my pen—keeps on beating”, and it sure is fun.
As Francesca so aptly sings, I am an empty page. I am an open book. And I want my history to be His legacy. So, when all is said and done, all I can say is “Lord, let me be Your work of art!” Thanks, Francesca!
“Write Your Story”
by Francesca Battistelli
They say
You’re the King of everything
The One who taught the wind to sing
The Source of the rhythm my heart keeps beating
They say
You can give the blind their sight
And You can bring the dead to life
You can be the hope my soul’s been seekin’
(chorus)
I wanna tell You now that I believe it
I wanna tell You now that I believe it
I do, that You can make me new, oh
I’m an empty page
I’m an open book
Write Your story on my heart
Come on and make Your mark
Author of my hope
Maker of the stars
Let me be Your work of art
Won’t You write Your story on my heart
Write Your story, write Your story
Come on and write Your story, write Your story
Won’t You write Your story on my heart
My life
I know it’s never really been mine
So do with it whatever You like
I don’t know what Your plan is
But I know it’s good, yeah
(repeat chorus)
Author of my hope
Maker of the stars
Let me be Your work of art
Won’t You write Your story on my heart
Write Your story, write Your story
Come on and write Your story, write Your story
Won’t You write Your story on my heart
I want my history
To be Your legacy
Go ahead and show this world
What You’ve done in me
And when the music fades
I want my life to say
I let You write Your story, write Your story
Write Your story, write Your story
(repeat chorus)
Author of my hope
Maker of the stars
Let me be Your work of art
Won’t You write Your story on my heart
Write Your story, write Your story
Come on and write Your story, write Your story
Won’t You write Your story on my heart [x2]
Time. Trust. Truth. Teamwork.
Communicating through writing is what I do day in and day out, so I thought I’d share a fresh way to remember a few elements of communication whether you use them verbally or in writing. I hope they will remind us how to successfully communicate well with others.
Time matters. When you have no margin in your life to write or to talk with your loved ones (especially your spouse), then communication becomes stilted, scattered, and stifled, whether written or oral. In this crazy world of busyness, you simply have to schedule time to write or communicate with those you love. Be intentional about it, and revisit your schedule when it slides, because it will. Even if you only make 10-15 minutes a day a scheduled, intentional time to write or to talk with your mate, it’ll strengthen your communication journey. It may take turning off the TV, phone, computer, etc., for a certain amount of time, but it’s well worth it. And then, annually or semi-annually, get away and intentionally write or talk about your hopes, dreams, and desires spiritually and relationally.
Trust matters. You’ve got to build trust into your communication, whether written or verbal, and you have to keep it strong. Stay faithful, servant-hearted, humble, and empathetic in your communication. Be caring, affirming, and attentive to your audience, whether that audience is your spouse or a million readers. Be approachable, responsible, gracious, and forgiving with your writing critiques or with your spouse. Sounds hard? Not really. All this looks a lot like l-o-v-e.
Truth matters. Of course we don’t want to be untruthful, dishonest, or liars. But many times, our “truth” is only our opinion, our perspective, our bias instead of biblical truth. We need to build biblical truth into our communication and add big doses of grace, love, and humility. And we must speak and write the truth—in love—as Ephesian 4 commands us.
Teamwork matters. Build a team spirit with your spouse or with your critique group, editor, agent, and others who are with you on the journey. My husband is my greatest fan, my trusted first editor, and my gentle critic. As you work with your team—in whatever you do—your communication will blossom and you’ll be more successful in your endeavors. Accept the different opinions that each of you may have, even celebrate them, for they are what creates great communication, written or verbal.
How do you make time to write and/or communicate with your loved ones? I’d love to know!