Susan’s Blog | Susan G Mathis

Never Say Never

I always said I’d never write fiction. For the past twenty-plus years, I’ve written curriculum, newspaper articles, magazine articles, newsletter articles, and books! All of them well received. All of them nonfiction. I am a seasoned non-fiction writer, so why should I change?

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future,’” Jeremiah 29:10-12.

So, I know His plans are good, but I said “Never!” Now I have to eat my words. Lesson here? Never say never. You never know what God has planned.

This scripture became the foundation for my first novel. It’s a story about two women who need to learn that God’s plans are good, and in those plans He gives them hope for the future. I didn’t know that I’d be joining my characters on this journey of change, but God’s plans were in the works as I journeyed with them in writing their story.

And I’m hooked! I love writing fiction. Go figure.

In all the changes that come our way, knowing that God is in the middle of them helps us hang on with hope and promise. Unfortunately, many people, writers included, are often too uncomfortable, too impatient, and too restless during this transition time to allow the process to fully work out.

In the past, I was one of them. I had my plans, and by golly, I’d see them through. But I have learned to let God’s plans unfold, and I let Him lead. I now wait with hopeful anticipation, and my sweet supportive husband is always there through it all.

Dale has been an amazing teammate, especially during my transition from writing non-fiction to plowing into writing my first novel. I was so excited and intent, that there were times he had to pull me away from my computer and encourage me to get out and smell the roses. But most of the time, my sweet husband just smiled, enjoying the passion I have to write and laughing at the excitement I had for the project.

In any transition, the challenge is to embrace what God is doing and find hope for the future in that change. He does have plans to give us a hope-filled, abundant life as we walk through the changes and transitions of life. Never say never, and hold on to this truth when you’re tossed to and fro by the winds of change, and it will anchor you to His love, as it did for me.

How has this scripture given you hope in your life? I’d love to know!

Pleasure in the Process

After watching the movie, Chariots of Fire, many years ago, someone asked me this question: “When do you feel God’s pleasure?” It didn’t take long before I blurted out “When I write, I feel God’s pleasure,” and it struck me as deeply as it struck her. The answer revealed a high and holy calling on my life, and I was humbled.

Since then, I’ve done lots of writing, and I’ve taught children and adults about the craft of writing. I’ve encouraged new writers and mentored editors, both who are dear to my heart. I’ve been blessed to share what I’ve learned through the years, and I love putting it to practice on a daily basis.

Three years ago I left Focus on the Family to fulfill the desire and calling to write full time. As the Founding Editor of Thriving Family magazine, it was hard to give up “my baby” up for adoption, so to speak. And leaving my staff—who were close and dear friends—wasn’t easy either. But I had been so busy directing the ministry that I hadn’t written, even a simple article, in over two years.

The transition has been tougher than I expected, but I knew God was calling me to it. And looking back on these past three years, I realize that His leading as been an awesome journey of faith. And He’s not through yet!

Since then, The ReMarriage Adventure, my second book, has released. I’ve seen our first book, Countdown for Couples, be translated and published in Indonesian and in Spanish, giving them the potential to reach millions. And I’ve coached several aspiring writers and helped seasoned writers prepare their project for publication by editing their books. I’ve done lots of speaking, taught writing classes in South Africa, and had lots of writing opportunities.

Now I’m taking a new path as a novelist, and I’m feeling God’s pleasure in the process. I just finished my first book, and I’ll soon start book two in the series. And there is nothing like knowing that God is leading me and guiding me all the way!

What journey of faith does God have you on these days? I’d love to know.

A High View of Blending Family Life

When there are kids in the home, it’s often critical for you as a couple to take a long-term view of family life. Yes, in the short term, you’ll probably be sacrificing many of your wants and desires—and sometimes even your needs—so you can meet the needs of your children. But it’s important to keep the end in mind; in most cases, one day your kids will be grown and moving on, and then you’ll have greater freedom to make more personal choices as a couple.

There are lots of variables, especially if you’re a blending family. One of you may have a highly needy child at home; the other might not. One of you may strongly feel that every need your child has should supersede your spouse’s or your own needs, while the other might not. Both of you may have severely needy kids who will require a lot of you and your marriage.

How will you maintain a healthy marriage with these kinds of pressures and sacrifices? Although you must always keep your marriage relationship the top priority, self-sacrifice is often imperative during this season of family life, so it’s important to plan for these challenges. Talk about all this openly and honestly now so you’ll avoid surprises later.

In reality, in a blending-family situation, so much of your success will come down to the attitude you have toward facing and overcoming the issues that arise, including meeting each other’s needs. “I think that good will is huge,” Linda says. “Rick and I desire to bless each other, and we want to fulfill each other’s needs. Sometimes those include the needs of each other’s children—and grandchildren!”

“We don’t measure or keep score to see who’s done more,” Rick says. “We just serve.”

“Because I see so much integrity and character in Rick, I really encourage his interaction with my sons,” Linda says. “His example is important; he’s a great role model for them. And he doesn’t have to be ‘the dad’ to make a difference. He just draws them into his world and shows them how to be men of integrity. As he mentors them, he meets my need to see my sons have a good example in their lives.”

Blending a family needs a long-term view. You’re in it for the long haul. If you keep a good attitude, remain flexible, and serve unselfishly, you’ll be flying high.

How do you cope with the challenges of blending a family? I’d love to know!

Prepare for Your Marriage

Many couples get engaged on Valentine’s Day and find them busy with preparing for their wedding. But less than 30 percent of couples actually prepare for the rest of their lives together by reading premarital books, taking a premarital class, or attending counseling sessions. That’s tragic, so we hope and pray that this year that pathetic statistic will change. Here’s a real-life story that shows why this is important.

Jenny met Chris at a church function, and the two struck up a conversation. She was amazed at how much they had in common. They could talk endlessly, never tiring of each other. After just a few months of dating, both felt convinced that they belonged together. They had a whirlwind wedding, eagerly jumping headfirst into married life.

But within weeks Jenny discovered that Chris was an avid video gamer. She couldn’t believe how much time and money he was willing to invest in games. Chris soon realized that Jenny enjoyed entertaining. His introverted nature clashed with her desire to invite friends over every weekend.

It didn’t take long for annoying habits and different personalities and interests to drive the two apart. More than once Jenny asked herself what she’d seen in Chris at the beginning. And Chris wondered why he had once thought they had so much in common.

After years of counseling and mentoring couples of all ages and backgrounds, we’ve identified a number of red flags that should alert you to possible trouble spots in a relationship. That’s why premarital counseling is so important.

If danger signs show up in your relationship, be sure to slow down and reevaluate your relationship, taking the time to see if there is a possible resolution before you move ahead. You might talk with a pastor, counselor, or trusted mentor regarding your concerns. You might want to read a premarital book such as Countdown for Couples: Preparing for the Adventure of Marriage.

And if you know a couple who has red flags blazing bright, encourage them to get some premarital counseling, check out our book(s), and plead with them do the work ahead of time—before they end up like Jenny and Chris!

What was the most surprising thing you learned in your premarital preparation? I’d love to know!

Listen and Love

Many of us have never really learned to listen well. We’ve learned to be selective listeners—sifting information, ignoring details, and allowing ourselves to be distracted by everything around us.

In today’s media-driven world, we’re often living on information overload. We have concerns at work, at home, with the kids, with friends, in our communities, in our nation, and around the world. That breeds distraction, and we have to proactively be careful not to allow the cares of the world to break down our relationships; we have to choose to listen carefully to those we love.

To listen well, you have to be considerate of the other person’s need to communicate with you. That means you have to choose to shut out the distractions around you and engage with that person with your whole being—your eyes, ears, and heart. You need to give him or her your undivided attention.

Sometimes just shutting off the music or muting the television shows interest and respect for the other person and contributes to good communication. Other times, it might take going for a walk together or a drive to get away from the distractions of home.

The truth is, Dale and I still struggle with this. We might be in separate rooms or even on separate floors, but we somehow think that one of us will magically tune in to what the other is saying. Over time we’ve begun to recognize moments that are best suited to talking and sharing and moments that aren’t. We’ve learned that when we’re driving in traffic, it’s hard for us to concentrate on a deep discussion.

Dale knows that when I’m in my writing mode and on the computer, it’s hard for me to listen well or try to have a discussion. We laugh about it. We try to do better. But the reality is that we’re still working on improving our listening skills and changing our tendency to try to communicate when one of us is busy or distracted.

How have you learned to listen well? I’d love to know!

A Valentine’s Gift That Keeps on Giving

In our living room there is a symbol we used in our wedding ceremony. It’s a three-strand cord of red, white, and gold. For us, it symbolizes that the commitment we made to marriage wasn’t just between the two of us. The covenant was made by three of us, with God at the center. Scripture says, “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:12).

A commitment to marry is more than just signing a contract. Marriage is a sacred covenant, a plan God created for our benefit. Covenant promises are unconditional; there are no escape clauses and/or money-back guarantees. Covenants are made on the foundations of faith and love, and they are permanent.

We all know couples, maybe even our own parents, who divorced. Maybe they just grew tired of each other. Or maybe the marriage was plagued by abuse, addiction, or infidelity. Whatever the reason, the couple broke the commitment they made to each other, and the painful consequences of their choice affected many others besides themselves.

But most of us also know couples who have been married for decades and are happy despite the challenges they’ve faced through the years. Our friends Bob and Gayle celebrated 60 years together before he passed away. They loved each other dearly, were the closest of companions, and remained deeply committed to each other. As Dale says, “When we grow up, let’s be just like them!” These are the kinds of couples who can give us hope for our marriages.

So for this Valentine’s Day, Dale and I will renew our covenant commitment to each other. We just can’t think of another gift as good as that!

What does covenant mean to you? I’d love to know!

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Susan G Mathis